~ A place to find answers to gnawing spiritual questions ~
Question: My sister's husband is having an affair. This has been on going over a couple of years. Her husband used to profess to be a Christian. My sister is on fire for Christ and wants to stand by her husband. She says the scripture gives divorce for those who have hard hearts and her heart isn't hardened. She wants to stand by her husband until he gets right with Christ. I think she has made it very easy for him to continue in this affair by not telling her 3 children (one married and expecting the other 2 are 17 and 19.) She is afraid they won't love their Dad anymore and then he will just leave her because all the kids will know. She lets him sleep with her and stay at home but he still calls the other woman when my sister isn't around. I admire my sister because she is so faithful to God but I think she needs to make it a little more uncomfortable for her husband. He has fathered a child with this woman. I think he looks as this woman as a concubine as in David's day. I personally think he is really messed up! I know this is long but what do you think the Bible means about divorce in this case? Why did David and Abraham and others have concubines? Is there anything in the Bible that goes against having concubines or condemns them? Thank you for you answer and your time. I told my sister I would pray and support anything she decides but I feel the kids ought to know, they could pray with her and it wouldn't seem as though things were so secret or dark. God bless you, this sight has been helpful.Answer:
Such a personal question is particularly difficult to answer. I think I can best help you by stating some Biblical principles that seem to be relevant and suggest a resource for further study.
First - God's goal for marriage is threefold: that it be permanent (for life), that it be exclusive (one man and one woman), and that it be holy and undefiled (both partners committed to God and each other). Consider these portions of Scripture - Genesis chapters 2 & 3, Mark chapter 10, 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
Second - This marriage is falling short of God's goal. "Missing the Mark" is a basic definition of sin. Sin is overcome by confession, repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation.
Third - Although God permitted divorce he is never FOR divorce. Because the Israelites insisted on practicing divorce, God set down regulations to restrict it and protect the wife in those situations. God did not institute divorce. God's goal is repentance and reconciliation.
Resource strongly recommend: The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney.
This book gives a very thorough treatment with Scriptural backing on marriage, divorce and remarriage, looking through the teachings of Moses, Ezra, Malachi, Jesus and Paul. I would particularly direct you to chapter 11 - "Divorce, Remarriage and the Christian Counselor." The author gives guidelines on how to deal with this type of situation.
I pray God will use you as a minister of reconciliation in this situation.
