~ A place to find answers to gnawing spiritual questions ~
Question: If your husband was caught in poronography as a believer is that the same as adultery even though he says he didnt do that part of it even though the thoughts were there?I need a Christian counselor to get through all of this so I can know which way to go. Thanks.
Answer: As with anything we will ever face in life, it is necessary that we look to the Word of God for guidance. I want to make 3 important points based upon what you have stated:
1. I am drawn to the conclusion by your statements that your husband is a believer, or a professing Christian. BELIEVERS DO NOT MAKE A PRACTICE OF SIN. John 8:34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. (Also see 1 John 3:4 and 8). Exactly what is sin? Romans 14:23 tells us that "whatsoever is not of faith is sin." James 4:17 says that if we know to do good and we do not, it is sin. And 1 John 5:17 tells us that all unrighteousness is sin.
2. PORNOGRAPHY IS SINFUL AND TO PARTAKE IN IT FOR PLEASURE AND GRATIFICATION IS SIN. Your husband claims that it was not adultery (sin) because he didn't "do that part of it" (the physical act) even though the thoughts were there. Jesus specifically dealt with this sin in Matthew 5. In verses 27 and 28 He says, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." While it is true that your husband didn't physically commit adultery, the thoughts were there, and he indulged in this sin for self-gratification.
3. A HABIT OF LOOKING AT PORNOGRAPHY IS A SIN "IN THE HEART". You asked, "...is that the same as adultry even though he says he didnt do that part of it?" You are speaking of the physical act of adultery when you mention "that part of it". In looking at pornography for self-gratification your husband is indeed guilty of adultery in his heart. Please be aware that this is a sin that can be confessed and forgiven, and, with the help and grace of God and much prayer, can be put behind you forever. There is comfort in knowing that a physical act has not been committed (based upon the statements you have given), and therefore does not involve another woman physically, which could then involve her husband (possibly if this other woman was married) and thus another family... possibly children, etc. In God's eyes one sin will send an individual to hell, however the many sins that people commit have varying physical repercussions. When a person robs another individual it has its ill effects, but it does not have the physical effects that a murder would cause. What I want you to understand as a wife is that though your husband is guilty of this sin, it would be unthinkably worse of a tangled mess if others were involved and the effects of the sin rippled outwardly effecting an indefinite amount of people (other spouses, children, in-laws, brothers and sisters, and possibly children. etc.).
What are you to do? First off your husband needs to be brought to the realization that he is indeed sinning in looking at pornographic literature or films. This sin must be confessed, repented of, and forsaken. Secondly, he needs to be reconciled not only to God but to you as his wife (return to his first love). Together you need to submit your lives and your marriage to a loving God for grace during this difficult time. Finally, I would recommend that you meet with a Godly pastor for spiritual direction and accountability until victory is obtained.
Additional Resources
- A Call to Purity Weekend
- Addicted to porn? by Ray Comfort
- An Affair of the Mind: One Woman's Courageous Battle to Salvage Her Family from the Devastation of Pornography by Laurie Hall
- Breaking Free: the Journey Towards Purity in a Sex-Saturated Internet
- Help with Sexual Purity
- Hope After Betrayal
- I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography
- Is There a Way to Overcome My Lust for Sex?
- Pornography: Slaying the Dragon
- Pure Life Ministries
- The Heaviness of Sin! A Message of Warning and Hope For Christians Battling Hidden Sin by David Wilkerson
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