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Question: Hello, and thank you for being here. I am a 36 year old female who has the history of severe drinking, depression, suicide attempts. I am married with 5 boys. I believe that I am a born again spirit filled Christian. More than anything I want to serve the Lord Jesus, but it is like I have two of me, good and evil. I was once told that I was unchanging evil. I let my kids do wrong things, my husband works nights and is never here. I feel worn out continually. My husband is cold at best toward church. We were kicked out of a church about 10 years ago, because I ate pork and would not follow all of their rules. It was very public and very brutal. I have had enough in my life without Christ leading me. I constantly give in to spending, throwing up my food, rearranging funds because of my stupidity, I let my boys run me ragged. I don't know at this point where or what to do. I have a very hard time believing that God isn't completely sick with me. Our Sunday mornings are usually filled with black sabbath music, or the like, I am one day on fire, the next day I am running from God because I am such a terrible person. The scripture tells about a person who knowingly sins, or the person who loves and practices a lie, and I feel like this person. I feel like a waste of human flesh. Can you help.

I realize that it is a tough road to travel that you are on, but Jesus will walk it with you.

I want you to know that God cares (1 Peter 5:7), but others do as well. This brings me to a few questions: Do you have a good home church? One that preaches the Bible and believes in the Holy Spirit? These are crucial for all believers, especially someone in your situation.

First, you have to realize that the devil wants you to believe in his lies. You need to rebuke the thoughts that are depressing you. You are not 'unchanging' evil, because the Lord is your righteousness if you are trusting in Him!

Secondly, you need to commit yourself to reading the scriptures and praying daily. This will keep you 'fed' spiritually. This is how the Lord encourages and leads His people. I must reemphasize your need for a good church to attend, where you can have a caring pastor and loving church family that can help you through your difficulties (Hebrews 10:25).

Thirdly, your children need you as good mother. Unfortunately, it makes it difficult with a husband that isn't saved. However, you need to try to be a good example to all in your household, especially your kids. Pray for them most of all that God would open their hearts to the truth!

Lastly, by all means don't give up! Greater is He that is in you, than He that is in the world! Try reading and meditating on Romans 8:35-39.

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